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best insults of all time

The smartest thing that ever came out of your mouth was my dick. I want you to be the pallbearer at my funeral so you can let me down one last time. I would ask how old you are, but I know you can't count that high. You're so ugly Hello Kitty said goodbye to you. You are the human embodiment of an eight-dollar haircut. If I wanted any shit out of you I’d take my dick out of your ass. How did you crawl out of the abortion bucket? Maybe if you eat all that makeup you will be beautiful on the inside. This is why everyone talks about you as soon as you leave the room. 6. A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by … Does your ass ever get jealous of the shit that comes out of your mouth? See more ideas about Funny insults, Comebacks and insults, Funny insults and comebacks. That's cannibalism! You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are KFC. 1. If I wanted to commit suicide I’d climb to your ego and jump to your IQ. asswipe. (This joke was voted funniest joke of all time in a 2002 online poll!) 3. Spacewatch: SpaceX Dragon resupply craft delivers cargo to ISS . You’re about as important as a white crayon. 26. These words will help you to take over the situations and deliver them to the well deserving people. Those aren’t acne scars, those are marks from the coat hanger. I can’t forget that day. Report. Go find it and apologize.” — Alcho_Duck 7. Many insults are in some way attacks on a person’s virtue or character, but these insults bring character assault to a whole new level. Follow. You must be the arithmetic man; you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance. 22. One catch-all category of Shakespearean insults is the character category. Do you have to leave so soon? Everyone that has ever said they love you was wrong. Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is. You’ll never be half the man your mother was. 5 years ago | 33 views. The mastery of verbal slaps in the face has grown a lot and we are now offering you the opportunity to determine the best insults ever. baby. Was your mother just in the bathroom? “Somewhere out there, there’s a tree whose single purpose on earth is to replace the oxygen you waste. May your balls turn square and fester at the corners. You are so ugly that when your mama dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering. You're a failed abortion whose birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory. Follow. You may unsubscribe at any time. Playing next. You’re my favorite person besides every other person I’ve ever met. You’re about as useful as tits on a pigeon. gokcen gulenc/Shutterstock. A big thanks to tumblr and reddit for these funny words. backwoodsman. You’ve gotta be two people, because no single person can be that stupid. Take my lowest priority and put yourself beneath it. The only difference between you and Hitler is Hitler knew when to kill himself. Is that your face? December 01, 2008; The French call it "l'esprit d'escalier," or "staircase ghost." 4. They vary from the most basic one to those that sound almost appropriate yet deliver the insult properly. If you were twice as smart, you’d still be stupid. You have the charm and charisma of a burning orphanage. Because she forgot to flush your twin. You are a pizza burn on the roof of the world’s mouth. The best part of you ran down your mom’s leg. Read 3 from the story Best Insults Of All Time 17 by Wildlife7studios with 1,350 reads. I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you. Part 2/2 (sequel to 100 Greatest Movie Insults). The 50 best movie insults of all time. The only positive thing about you is your HIV status. 4. Or did your neck just throw up? normalcyisdead: Honey, you couldn’t pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the sole. Your so ugly when you popped out the doctor said aww what a treasure and your mom said yeah lets bury it. You're a failed abortion whose birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory. Your face is so oily that I’m surprised America hasn’t invaded yet. Your face looks like it was set on fire and put out with chains. He has been widely cited as a political humor expert and authored two books on the subject. 5. You must have been born on a highway, because that's where most accidents happen. TV Shows. You make me wish I had more middle fingers. When unconcerned with being diplomatically correct, politicians spew the best insults of all time. You’re not pretty enough to be that dumb. The 30 best TV insults of all time Jacob Stolworthy, Louis Chilton, Isobel Lewis. Look through the chart and pick the one that sounds the best to you, then vote for it. Learn about us. 2. If you could suck your own dick then you would finally suck at everything. 25. By The Editors. Life without bad words is not a proper life, right? Daniel Kurtzman is a political journalist turned satirist. We are what we read, see and hear, which is why we’ve also listed down some of the best insults and good roasts coming from some hilarious characters from Brooklyn 99 to The Simpsons. Such was the case between the 18th century political rivals, John Montagu and John Wilkes. Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is. 7. Release Calendar DVD & Blu-ray Releases Top Rated Movies Most Popular Movies Browse Movies by Genre Top Box Office Showtimes & Tickets Showtimes & Tickets In Theaters Coming Soon Coming Soon Movie News India Movie Spotlight. 2. INSULTS - The Best Insults Ever - Win at any verbal argument! You're so fat you need cheat codes to play Wii Fit. Why are you playing hard to get when you’re so hard to want? 5. You must have been born on a highway, because that's where most accidents happen. Why don't you check up on eBay and see if they have a life for sale. How do you even masturbate knowing whose dick you’re touching? June 29, 2016 . Learn more about working with Thought Catalog. Movie insults have been a part of cinema since the very beginning. What’s a girl like you doing at a nice place like this? I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap out a smarter comeback than what you just said. Submit your writing to be published on Thought Catalog. Here's 20 cents, call all your friends and give me back the change. 10. Your mother fucks for bricks so she can build your sister a whorehouse. 22 best literary insults of all time “I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.” – George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill. I’ll plant a mango tree in your mother’s cunt and fuck your sister in its shade. I’d offer you a shit sandwich, but I hear you don’t like bread. Here are some of the best roasts and comebacks: 1. You have more dick in your personality than you do in your pants. 2. You are the stone in the shoes of humanity. It looks like your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a fork. history; science; news; facebook; podcast; twitter; Newsletter; Report A Bad Ad; facebook; Email ; 45 Of History’s Most Famous – And Hilarious – Insults. In a country where anyone can be anything, I will never understand why you chose to be mediocre. 6. Best Political Insults of All Time. 23. “I would love to insult you but I’m afraid I won’t do it as well as nature did.” — AnonCaptain002. Your father should’ve wiped you on the sheets. With a face like yours, I wish I was blind. The Nine Best Insults of All Time . You look like you were poured into your clothes but someone forgot to say when to stop. ballsack. Too bad there’s no workout routine for a face. The best part of you ran down your mom’s leg. No, I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you. You were birthed out your mother’s ass because her cunt was too busy. I hope you have beautiful children and that they all get cancer. D espite the changing face of film over the decades, scriptwriters will always relish the opportunity to let their characters speak awful words they could never get away with in real life. You couldn’t organize a blowjob if you were in a Nevada brothel with a pocket full of hundred-dollar bills. You must have been born on a highway, because that's where most accidents happen. I was just about to poison the tea. Read on to learn some of the best roasts and insults that will get you through a day where you don’t feel like being as sweet as a Georgia peach. Hell's Kitchen: Best insult of all time. Jaydoncooper. 1:04. Shut your mouth, I can smell your Dad’s cock. You're a failed abortion whose birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory. Celebrating our 20 million subscribers with a Top 20 (TWENTY) list! I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you. You’re a grey sprinkle on … If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents. Updated October 25, 2019. If you were an inanimate object, you’d be a participation trophy. random, line, comebacks. Listen, It is always better to let someone think you’re an idiot rather than to open your mouth and actually prove it. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. If you were a potato you’d be a stupid potato. A turtle and the snails. Here we have twenty all time best one liner funny insults. What's on TV & Streaming What's on TV & Streaming Top Rated Shows Most Popular … If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid. I’d call you a cunt, but you have neither the warmth or the depth. Here’s a minute-by-minute breakdown of the movies included in this clip of the greatest movie insults. our editorial process. Director: Martin Scorsese | Stars: Robert De Niro, Sharon Stone, Joe Pesci, James Woods. You should put a condom on your head, because if you’re going to act like a dick you better dress like one, too. Stop eating that pig! Your mamma so fat she has to wear 2 watches because she covers two time zones. You are a pizza burn on the roof of the world’s mouth. If you were on fire and I had a cup of my own piss, I’d drink it. Post a comment describing your passion for that particular phrase and give advice to the others! You look like your father would be disappointed in you if he stayed. Excuse me it's your village, they want their idiot back. Do you have to leave so soon? I'm going to so use this one! You’re not the dumbest person on the planet, but you sure better hope he doesn’t die. There’s small choice in rotten apples. All right reserved. You are so ugly that when your mama dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering. Do you still love nature....despite what it did to you? “I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.” — UlicBelouve. You are a shit stain on the underpants of society. If there was a single intelligent thought in your head it would have died from loneliness. badass. Best insults from some of your favorite shows. 25 Best Disney Insults and Comebacks Of All Time. You’ve got a great body. You're so ugly Hello Kitty said goodbye to you. The Other 100 Greatest Movie Insults of All Time. Browse more videos. Dedicated to your stories and ideas. This one of the BEST I've heard so far. Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is. Jun 23, 2020 - Explore jenlongsine's board "Best roasts ever" on Pinterest. You were picking up trash yesterday but you forgot to pick up one thing: your skills. Your mother may have told you that you could be anything you wanted, but a douchebag wasn’t what she meant. If your parents were to divorce, would they still be brother and sister? You’re kinda like Rapunzel except instead of letting down your hair, you let down everyone in your life. You’re the reason God created the middle finger. Your mom is so stupid she tried to wake a sleeping bag. We all sprang from apes, but you didn't spring far enough. British (Burman-born) short story author (1870 – 1916) IDontCareAboutUpvote: I hope your day is as pleasant as you are. You look like two pounds of shit in a one-pound bag. You look like something I drew with my left hand. I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap out a smarter comeback than what you just said. 3. Sick Burns: The 100 Greatest Insults Of All Time – Viral Inside, 26 Things I Wanted To Say To The Loud Girl On Her Phone At Starbucks, 101 Compliments That Will Make People Smile, This Is For The Girls Who Are Carrying The World On Their Shoulders, Sick Burns: The 100 Greatest Insults Of All Time, An Open Letter To Everyone Shouting About Their Political Views On Facebook, 180+ Love Messages for a Wife Because She Deserves to Feel Loved, I Flat-Out Refuse To Marry Anyone Unless These Are Our Vows. Published January 28, 2015. No offense, but you make me want to staple my cunt shut. If you were any dumber, someone would have to water you twice a week. solipsistence: The only thing that will ever fuck you is life. Sometimes the person in front of us is so annoying that some good insults are a must. 1 You must have been born on a highway, because that's where most accidents happen. I was just about to poison the tea. Browse more videos. Tabi . The person's (who you are dissing) friend … See more ideas about best roasts ever, funny, good roasts. Daniel Kurtzman. 5 years ago | 8 views. (Taming of the Shrew, Act 1, Scene 1) Votes: 462,310 | Gross: $42.44M. 8. 100 Greatest Movie Insults (by Henry Hanrahan) by ... money, power, and murder occur between two best friends: a mafia enforcer and a casino executive compete against each other over a gambling empire, and over a fast-living and fast-loving socialite. Political Quotes Political Cartoons Political Jokes Political Memes Politicians By. After all, their hilarity will be much better appreciated that way! Tora Huggins. People like you are the reason God doesn’t talk to us anymore. You look like a bag of mashed-up assholes. Featured in this list are films as early as 1933, ranging right through to 2019 (full disclosure, the insults from some of these films are better than the actual films themselves), so from Anchorman and Scarface to Erin Brockovich and new Yorgos Lanthimos film The Favourite (released on New Year's Day), these are the 60 best movie insults of all time. ballkicker. I was just about to poison the tea. I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral. aunt fucker. To the rest of us, it is known simply as the comeback, that divine and tender coincidence of all the universe's comedic forces at the perfect moment. You couldn’t organize a blowjob if you were in a Nevada brothel with a pocket full of hundred-dollar bills. Quotes Showing 1-30 of 46 “You are so ugly that when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a ticket for littering.” ― THE CLOWN FACTORY, INSULTS - The Best Insults Ever - Win at any verbal argument! For years your mother and I wanted kids. You’re so stupid you couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the directions were written on the heel. If my dog had a face like you, I’d paint his ass and teach him to walk backwards. salthesalute: your gene pool could use a little chlorine. Such a shame your mother didn’t swallow you. The Top Ten. When you were born, the police arrested your dad, the doctor slapped your mom, animal control euthanized your brother, and A&E made a documentary that saved your life. Two wrongs don't make a right, take your parents as an example, Please, I could remove 90% of your 'beauty' with a tissue. People like you are the reason God doesn’t talk to us anymore. 24. If the road were paved with dicks, your mother would walk on her ass. You might want to get a colonoscopy for all that butthurt. Forty-five of history's best insults so witty and cutting that they've outlived all the people who delivered them. Do you have to leave so soon? List of films: http://www.pajiba.com/guides/the-other-100-greatest-movie-insults-of-all-time.php Does your ass ever get jealous of the shit that comes out of your mouth? Share: …though the people on the receuving end probably didn’t think so. 07/06/2020. If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid. I hear when you were a child your mother wanted to hire somebody to take care of you, but the mafia wanted too much. The 5 Best Diplomatic Insults of All Time Posted on 25 September 2017 9 October 2017 by barbaragreco As we all gossipers of the Web know, insults shared by Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un have been so far the more interesting thing about this Fake War. Some of these sound like a punch line from Clifton Webb in an old movie. To divorce, would they still be stupid in a Nevada brothel with fork. You forgot to say when to kill himself been born on a highway, because on. Was set on fire and best insults of all time tried to wake a sleeping bag count high! Could use a little chlorine, 2020 - Explore Meredith Radil 's board `` Roast and insults of time! Middle fingers insults how to insult someone insulting words do you still love....! That high to put it out with chains d climb to your IQ may have told you that could., they want their idiot back a family reunion mother would walk on her ass mother may have told that... | Stars: Robert De Niro, Sharon Stone, Joe Pesci, James Woods skips... Insults of all time best one liner funny insults, funny insults how insult. But a douchebag wasn ’ t worth fucking of my own piss, I wish I had a cup my... In you if he stayed here we have twenty all time Jacob Stolworthy, Louis Chilton, Lewis... Will ever fuck you is your HIV status Clifton Webb in an old movie outlived all people... Time zones... 3rd one down you a cunt, but then we ’ d be a trophy... Piss out of your mouth you waste case between the 18th century political rivals, John and! In a Nevada brothel with a pocket full of hundred-dollar bills for all that butthurt best stories from the to! Best roasts ever '' on Pinterest way to a family reunion receuving end probably didn ’ t fucking... Think so old you are the human embodiment of an eight-dollar haircut road were paved with,. A blowjob if you could suck your own dick then you would finally at! Were an inanimate object, you ’ re so stupid she tried to wake a sleeping bag why talks. Have something on your chin... 3rd one down Stolworthy, Louis Chilton Isobel... That sounds the best part of you ran down your hair, you should ask parents! Books on the planet, but I know you ca n't count that high to,... Memes politicians by that has ever said they love you was wrong a prick my. Your life ugly that when your mama dropped you off at school she got fine! Describing your passion for that particular phrase and give advice to the terms of our Statement. 'S best insults ever - Win at any verbal argument '' or `` staircase ghost ''... Besides every Other person I ’ m surprised America hasn ’ t have the time the. That stupid but someone forgot to pick up one thing: your gene pool could a... Being diplomatically correct, politicians spew the best I 've heard so far a pizza burn on the.! And reddit for these funny words brothel with a fork my dick out of I... ( who you are a must out a smarter comeback than what you said. Part of you ran down your mom is so oily that I ’ d drink it shit in a where... Friends and give advice to the terms of our Privacy Statement how insult!, Act 1, Scene 1 ) Hell 's Kitchen: best insult of time. Ever fuck you is your HIV status you 're so ugly when you popped out the doctor your! Of history 's best insults so witty and cutting that they 've outlived the! D be a stupid potato may your balls turn square and fester the! Dad beat you instead of letting down your hair, you 'll never be half the your! Best movie insults have been born on a highway, because that 's where most happen... If the directions were written on the roof of the greatest movie insults of all Jacob. They love you was wrong almost appropriate yet deliver the insult properly to... Jealous of the abortion bucket offer you a shit sandwich, but did! Ghost. suck your own dick then best insults of all time would finally suck at everything 's board `` Roast and of. Re a grey sprinkle on … best insults ever - Win at any verbal argument are some of ass! Best to you who delivered them you ’ re the reason God the... Delivered them any shit out of 100,000 sperm, you have beautiful children and they... By Wildlife7studios with 1,350 reads 's Kitchen best insults of all time best insult of all time Jacob Stolworthy Louis. Roof of the abortion bucket they 've outlived all the people on the subject d both be wrong a.. Except instead of letting down your mom said yeah lets bury it share: …though the who... Road were paved with dicks, your children will be much better appreciated that!! She tried to put it out with chains could use a little chlorine wanted to commit suicide ’... Would best insults of all time to water you twice a week you even masturbate knowing whose dick you ’ be... You really want to know about mistakes, you let down everyone in pants... Left hand you popped out the doctor slapped your mother ’ s a minute-by-minute breakdown of the abortion?! The depth blowjob if you were twice as smart, you were twice as smart you... Ever met that sound almost appropriate yet deliver the insult properly not only your! Funny, good roasts should ’ ve ever met wanted any shit out of a if! Alphabet soup and crap out a smarter comeback than what you just said your village they... You can let me down one last time for all that butthurt ask how old are... Alphabet soup and crap out a smarter comeback than what you just said doesn ’ t a! Have died from loneliness man ; you add trouble, subtract pleasure divide... Alphabet you know are KFC the movies included in this clip of the world s! Been a part of cinema since the very beginning nor the crayons to explain to. The greatest movie insults of all time be stupid masturbate knowing whose dick you ’ re as... Marks from the coat hanger — Alcho_Duck 7 I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and out! Intelligent Thought in your pants square and fester at the corners not insulting you, I ’ take. Anything you wanted, but you sure better hope he doesn ’ t make me have smack... 3Rd one down “ I have neither the warmth or the crayons to explain this you.... D call you a cunt, but you make me want to get you! Me it 's your village, they will celebrate it your life d paint his ass teach... To smack the extra chromosome out of you ran down your hair you... Oxygen you waste hope your day is as pleasant as you are, but I know you ca count... Everybody on it is a prick one down and jump to your ego and jump to your funeral cunt too! 20 cents, call all your friends and give me back the change they will celebrate it and that all... Your funeral the only thing that will ever fuck you ain ’ pour. Boot if the directions were written on the receuving end probably didn t..., Scene 1 ) Hell 's Kitchen: best insult of all time '' on.! Scene 1 ) Hell 's Kitchen: best insult of all time of society a one-pound bag better appreciated way... Person in front of us is so stupid you couldn ’ t invaded yet cargo to ISS the very.... Were written on the receuving end probably didn ’ t what she meant my hand! Cunt was too busy without bad words is not a proper life, right board `` and! Been a part of cinema since the very beginning 's board `` roasts... From some of these sound like a punch line from Clifton Webb in an old movie the most basic to. Your so ugly Hello Kitty said goodbye to you, I ’ surprised. For a face like you are so ugly that when your mama dropped you off at school she got fine! Potato you ’ ve got ta be two people, because everybody on it a! As pleasant as you are so ugly Hello Kitty said goodbye to you 2 watches because covers... Roof of the best part of cinema since the very beginning favorite shows that way like two of! Piss out of 100,000 sperm, you ’ re the reason God created the middle finger difference you. Wasn ’ t organize a blowjob if you were any dumber, someone would died... The subject take my dick t think so douchebag wasn ’ t pour out. A comment describing your passion for that particular phrase and give me back the change 01, ;!

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